Rough draft of story 2

In class discussions, we returned to the briefs and considered the differences of short films and music videos, making sure that I don’t accidentally segue into music videos. With that in mind, I’ve decided to change some things to make it more like a short film – more narrative driven.  

I’ve decided that in the second to third scene, when he's about in his early twenties, he’s in the studio working on a painting, something reminiscent of the one from when he was a child. Then when he's older, he still gets fired, goes to the funeral, the wedding, etc (maybe, but I might cut this).

I thought the attempted suicide plot might be too dark and feels a little out of place. So I altered it to when he's even older and alone, he sees that painting. He takes a pair of scissors and rips the painting, finally being able to cry, he drops the scissors and just breaks down, laughing and crying at the same time. That's when the mixed media moment comes in. The painting motif helps tie the story a little better, and I’m thinking of having the other characters encouraging/expecting him to repress his emotions, instead of encouraging him to express. Probably focusing on when he got fired or him being with his mother on her deathbed, so that we can connect with the character more rather than have it be more observational. 

On the other hand, instead of him ripping the painting, I thought it might be good to have him have a son, so it’s like the character arc. This is inspired by 'Streetcar Named Desire,' but instead of the implied narrative that the cycle of toxic masculinity continues, Gary wants the opposite for his son. I changed the daughter to a son to really push this effect. This evolution also feels more natural and realistic.  Although I might add the ripping in between as a turning point.  

Rough timeline of the film (V2):  

1. Gary is coming home from school, looking at a piece of artwork that got an F with tears in his eyes, his father scolds him and telling him to “suck it up” and that “boys don’t cry” 

2. Blink cut 

3. Cuts to the older him being in a room where his name is called, he’s sitting on a chair outside an office, holding a piece reminiscent of the artwork from previously 

4. He enters the office excited and energetic, then coming out with a deflated expression, looking way more haggard, sighing deeply as he holds back his tears, whispering to himself that “boys don’t cry”  

5. He throws the artwork into a box when he gets home (living room), it’s dark and grey and gloomy, the shot is in between a doorway, and he walks out of frame to the left 

6. Then from the right, the lighting has changed in his home (living room, a revised version of the rejected artwork hung on the walls) into something warmer and we see him carrying his newly wed bride into the home, they’re giggling, it’s happy  

7. It cuts to a shot of them slightly older, in the living room. Gary takes off his tie, looking disheartened and solemn, not necessarily sad, just detached. Taking out the white flower from his suit pocket and places it in front of a family photo (close up) (implying a funeral) 

8. His wife comes up behind him and comforts him by saying “he was a good man...” and after a beat he says, "you know he always used to tell me boys don't cry..." and he lets out a dry emotionless chuckle. she adds, “you know you can feel sad with me hun... crying doesn’t make you weak...” (then fade out) 

9. Then the lighting of the home fades into something else (purple/pink maybe?) and we see Gary and his pregnant wife rushing to the hospital (energetic music) 

10. A shot of Gary holding his son at the hospital 

11. Close ups of Gary and his son 

12. Gary’s son cries in his arms (the blanket has the same pattern as his childhood artwork as a tie in)  

13. This is where the mixed media and bright colours come in  

14. Gary himself can’t hold back his own tears anymore and we see a close up of a single tear falling down his cheek 

15. He's whispering “cry... cry all you want my boy...” in the gentlest tone 

Maybe feature lines like these in the script to really solidify the toxic masculinity ingrained into Gary: be my son, don’t be a softie, the world isn’t fair, gotta be thick-skinned, be a man about it, toughen up. The repetition of ‘boys don’t cry’ is making it kinda music video-y, so maybe just use it in certain more tense moments.